This morning as I sat on the couch with a two year old flickering the lights, a three year old crying about how little attention she receives, and a five year old pinching a seven year old, I wondered if a) I could possibly retreat to the bathroom with a bottle of wine unnoticed and b) whatever in God's name possessed me to try homeschooling in the first place?
Months ago I began this journey to figuring out what being a homemaker meant for me. I hesistate to write about it often because it is really a rather personal journey and because it seems to take me much too long to figure out what the next step on this journey even is.
In June Mike attended a seminar on safety. I had been under the assumption it was on officer safety with regards not only to the violence toward officers in our area but all over the country. I was wrong. It focused mostly on terrorism and what he could do to better protect himself, his family, and his community. During one of the breaks Mike called me and said, "Gen...I'm so weirded out by all this information I don't even want to put L on the school bus tomorrow."
It didn't bother me that Mike was having a momentary lapse in his normally very tough exterior, which, usually sends me into an immediate freak out mode. My reply, which surprised even me, was, "Isn't it interesting that you would say something like that to me during this time when I am so open to what being a homemaker means for me and for our family?"
There it was, so simple and obvious ... my next step.
And thus began our journey into homeschooling.
For a few weeks I prayed that if homeschooling was what was right for our family that God Himself would shout it from Heaven. Something like, "Hey! Idiot! Homeschool your kids!" Week after week there would be no shout, but my curiosity had begun to grow and mature into interest, and I soon found that my interest had blossomed into full blown passion. Perhaps the shout I was waiting for came to me in a way I should have been expecting from the beginning ... a simple whisper.
The choices available to homeschooling families are so vast I have found myself drowning in them so although I now know homeschooling is the right decision, I don't know much else. I feel behind and inadequate. The only routine I have successfully established is sitting the children down and reading a story from the Children's Bible and then we all head to the table and draw a picture of what we read. And even that (please see first paragraph) seems to be a challenge.
|J's picture of the story of Cain and Abel. Pretty sure this would get me called into the principal's office.|
Of course, along with my worries, I see my second grader who has difficulty doing simple single digit addition, even though we were told by his first grade teacher he was doing fine in that area. I see my Kindergartner who couldn't even make it through his first reading lesson with his own mother without his Blankie and Puppy nestled neatly around him. I see my children, no longer fighting and instead laughing with their best friends, play mates ... school mates.
So I am at a cross roads; somewhere between Teacher of the Year and Boozehound hiding in the Bathroom.
The Lord is going to help me figure it all out. That's what this blog is all about after all; His gentle leading of those with young. And I remember what was written millenia ago, although I feel it may have been written specifically for me.
Psalm 105:4 "Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."
1 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us over to a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
And I can say with (a little) confidence ... I think I'm ready for tomorrow.