Wednesday, December 23, 2009

So it begins Pt 1

When Officer Hottie and I first started dating he told me he thought about being a police officer. That made me nervous. A little queasy actually. Then he said something I will never forget. He said, "I changed my mind though. Once I am married and have a family I feel that I have an obligation, a duty, to go home to them every night." A huge sense of relief filled me. At that point in our relationship I knew we were serious and would probably be getting married; from my perspective I had just been reassured that my husband would return home every night.
Fast forward a few years and we're married with one son and one child on the way. Hottie is frustrated. A lot. He doesn't take it out on me or our son, but I can tell something is off. One night, while he was bathing the dog, she pooped on him and something in him broke and he reacted by punching a wall. This was so out of character for him I could hardly believe what happened. Looking back I probably should have been frightened or worried, but my only concern was to understand what was going on. There was turmoil going on in the man that I loved and my heart was breaking for him. While we're laying in bed that night I asked him what the real issue was. He told me he hated our dog. I continued to pry, gently, and finally he told me what was happening to him; He felt worthless. He worked in Public Works. He pushed a lawnmower for a living. He was embarrassed by his profession. It was difficult for me to empathize and not be hurt. I wondered, did he not see the value in our marriage? In our son? In our home or cars or the fact his "meanial" job had provided for our family, enough so that I could stay at home and raise our kids? I prayed for the Lord to help me let go of these questions. This wasn't about me and my insecurities...it was about my husband and his. What I asked him next kind of surprised me, "Let's get you a job as a police officer." He looked at me with so much love and tenderness, and I knew the Lord had spoken through me and given my husband what he needed. Value. Worth. A sense of doing something. And God gave me peace. I not only wanted my husband to find what he needed in his profession, I wanted to be the one to support him, to be his cheerleader, to let him know he had my permission and my ok. It wasn't even difficult for me. It seemed to be the only decision and I have never looked back.
Officer Hottie applied to what seemed an infinite number of agencies after he did his testing. He received many letters telling him he was on their "list" and they would call him when his number was reached. He did get to interview a few places. His first oral board he had tennis shoes on. He wore his nicest slacks and shirt but had no dress shoes. I took a picture of him I thought he looked so cute. Once he was late for an oral board. He had written down the wrong location and couldn't find where he was supposed to go. He was mortified. I told him it wasn't meant to be. It was too far to commute anyway. He would place #5 among the applicants when they only had one spot open. It took months before we finally got the call we'd been praying for...one of the cities wanted to start doing backgrounds. We were over the moon. OH didn't want to get too excited, but I knew this was IT. I knew he was going to be starting his new career, his new profession and he was going to be the man he always wanted to be, the man I always saw him as. He was going to serve and protect and he was going to be a man in blue.

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