Sunday, March 1, 2009

Embracing Motherhood
I was going to apply. I was really truly excited about applying. I dreamed about applying, I dreamed about winning, I dreamed about living in Australia...and then I didn't apply. As the cut off date grew closer and closer I became more and more nervous about actually applying. Mike told me, "If you don't do it now, you won't do it." I kept insisting that I would. And what really held me back from applying? Nursing. I am not kidding. From the first second I looked at the website in the back of my mind I thought, "Wow...if I actually get interviewed for this job, I'll have to leave Simeon at home, which means I will have to wean him...I don't think I want to do that." I could never verbalize that to anyone. Although, I'm sure Mike wouldn't have cared. He probably would have laughed a little and teased me about trying to make Simeon a "Mama's boy", but he wouldn't really have cared. But because of that one little thing, I didn't apply. That, and I couldn't figure out how to make a video and I really hate how I sound on tape so watching anything I've recorded of myself is exceptionally painful...but really what it boiled down to, is nursing.
This is where I'm at. I'm a milk machine...and apparently, I like it. A lot. I like it more than the possibility of $100,00, more than living in a dream home for free, more than six months of paid for vacation, more than the Great Barrier Reef. After nearly six years of motherhood, three and a half of which I've spent with a baby attached to my chest, I think it's time to embrace it. I like this thing called motherhood. And since my oldest child is halfway through Kindergarten, and the baby is halfway to one year old, I think it's time I start enjoying it. Because it's almost over, even though it seems that it just began.

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